The new father role between expectation and reality
The constant balancing act between work and home, the pressure to do justice to everything and everyone – this often leaves little room or energy for anything else.
Today I would like to talk about a topic that is very close to my heart: the inner and outer struggles of many modern fathers.
Fatherhood as a full-time job: Between love and exhaustion
I think it's incredibly important that we also ask fathers: "How are you really doing?" I speak from personal experience; the transition to fatherhood was a huge challenge for me. Don't get me wrong: I love being a dad – more than anything else. And that's often where the problem lies.
The new father role requires not only presence in everyday family life, but also emotional availability, thoughtfulness and support – and all this in parallel with career, daily responsibilities and the desire to do everything right.
Career, children, no break – where is the relief?
I often work from home. My workday usually ends with the start of my "second job" as a dad. And yes, I love it. But it's also incredibly exhausting. There's hardly any relief. My partner and my child mean everything to me, and I want to give my all—but I also feel how much of myself I'm giving up for that. The expectation, whether from outside or from within myself, is to give 100% in every role. Sometimes I feel like I'm just running on empty, but I keep going. Because it's expected.
A friend recently said to me, "I'm working harder than ever, I'm better than ever, I'm earning more than ever—and yet I have less money than ever." That hit home. It sums up the contradictions of this phase of life: You're pushing yourself to the limit, yet you still feel like you're constantly lagging behind—not just financially, but also emotionally.
Why fathers often suffer in silence
And I'm not alone. Almost half of all fathers in England (48%) report that their mental health is poor or even very poor—double the number from 2023. At the same time, the number of fathers who don't seek help despite mental health problems has also doubled (from 6% in 2022 to 15% in 2024).
(Source: Fathers Network Scotland, Parenting Across Scotland)
Important: This isn't a competition between mothers and fathers. I see every day with my partner what an incredible achievement parenthood is. But I think we live in a society where men are often not allowed to say, "I'm not feeling well." It feels wrong to show weakness, especially when you see how strong your partner is handling it all. And so many remain silent, even when they're seething inside.
Current figures: Focus on fathers’ mental health
38% of new fathers in the UK are concerned about their mental health. Around 10% of men experience a period of serious mental health problems during the perinatal period (from pregnancy to one year after birth).
(Source: GOV.UK, Men's Health)
Especially in this sensitive phase, tips for expectant fathers are valuable – not just practical to-dos, but also honest conversations, emotional support and concrete assistance for everyday life.
Fatherhood today: Between role model search and identity change
When I think of my own father, I see how much the image of fatherhood has changed. My dad was a loving father, but barely present during my early childhood – like many fathers of his time. He still laughs and says today that he never changed a diaper. And that shows how drastically the role of the father has changed.
Fatherhood today doesn't just mean "being present," but truly participating, accompanying, and empathizing. These modern fathers aren't just providers, but genuine caregivers in their children's everyday lives. This new father role is fulfilling, but also demanding. I try to do many things differently than my parents. But I also realize that we often lack role models for this new form of fatherhood.
Fathers of modernity: a lot of responsibility, little space for themselves
With more responsibility comes more sacrifice. And this doesn't just affect hobbies. Friendships suffer, too. You hardly see your friends anymore. Family comes first—that's how it should be—but you still feel socially isolated. And that's despite being surrounded by the people you love most.
Who else am I – besides Dad?
Perhaps the most difficult part is the question of one's own identity. Does the "old Adam" still exist, or do I need to get to know myself again? What actually still brings me joy—apart from being a father? Who are my friends? Sometimes it feels like a loss of self. Or is it perhaps a focus on what really matters? I'm still searching for the answer.
Work & Family: Why real compatibility is still missing
I'm fortunate enough to be able to work flexibly. But the boundaries are blurring. The expectation to excel professionally and be fully present at home is high. Many companies have improved their policies—but there's still room for improvement when it comes to truly supporting fathers.
A sincere thank you to all who are dads
To all the dads out there: I'm proud of you. You're mastering fatherhood in a new era, under new conditions, and with new demands – and you're growing from it. It's okay to lose yourself sometimes. It's okay to be exhausted. But please don't suffer in silence. You're not alone.
